Family is not attempting to coax and cajole an indifferent person to share a life with you.

Family is not so riddled with divisions and cracks that people in the same household can’t even attend the same functions, meetings or events together.

Family has proven elusive.

Men of the breaking hearts had a quality about them not known to nor understood by common men. They habitually spoke with spiritual authority. They had been in the presence of God and they reported what they saw there. They were prophets, not scribes, for the scribe tells us what he has read, and the prophet tells what he has seen. The distinction is not an imaginary one. Between the scribe who has read and the prophet who has seen there is a difference as wide as the sea. We are overrun today with orthodox scribes, but the prophets, where are they? The hard voice of the scribe sounds over evangelicalism, but the church waits for the tender voice of the saint who has penetrated the veil and has gazed with inward eye upon the wonder that is God. And yet, thus to penetrate, to push in sensitive living experience into the holy Presence, is a privilege open to every child of God.

– A. W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

Speaking with the hard voice of a scribe is something that I hear often and something I have been guilty of in the past. It is sadly also something that I will in all probability be guilty of in the future. But I also know that tender voice of the prophet. Real knowing – to distinguish from “book” (or even “Book” knowledge – of God softens your approach and reminds me of his love for you and those you deal with, regardless of their situation or actions. This experiential knowledge of God reminds you of the universality  of his undeserved grace and mercy.

It also may even make you smile more.

And lo, even a laugh comes forth from hence…

Life in community does not keep the darkness away. To the contrary. It seems that the light that attracted me to L’Arche also made me conscious of the darkness in myself. Jealousy, anger, the feeling of being rejected or neglected, the sense of not truly belonging — all of these emerged in the context of a community striving for a life of forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing. Community life has opened me up to the real spiritual combat: the struggle to keep moving towards the light precisely when the darkness is so real.

– Henri Nouwen, The Return of the Prodigal Son

Detachment is often understood as letting loose of what is attractive. But it sometimes also requires letting go of what is repulsive. You can indeed become attached to dark forces such as resentment and hatred. As long as you seek retaliation, you cling to your own past. Sometimes it seems as though you might lose yourself along with your revenge and hate — so you stand there with balled-up fists, closed to the other who wants to heal.

– Henri Nouwen, With Open Hands

I am pondering this today. I am being freed from past anger, resentment and hatred. I am ready to move forward and mature into my destiny.

Filed under: Thoughts ]]> http://onlyoneman.wordpress.com/2011/06/06/letting-go/feed/ 0 popester http://onlyoneman.wordpress.com/2011/05/31/panda-ponderings/ http://onlyoneman.wordpress.com/2011/05/31/panda-ponderings/#comments Wed, 01 Jun 2011 02:39:02 +0000 popester http://onlyoneman.wordpress.com/?p=306 ]]>  

Lord Shen: “How did you find peace? I took away your parents, everything, I scarred you for life.”

Kung Fu Panda: “See that’s the thing Shen, scars heal…”

Shen: “No they don’t… wounds heal.”

    Kung Fu Panda: “Oh yeah… what do scars do? They fade I guess.”

Lord Shen: “I don’t care what scars do…”

Kung Fu Panda:  “You should Shen.  You got to let go of the stuff from past – because it just doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what you choose to be now.”

My family and I have been dealing with vindictive and selfish attacks on multiple levels for the last three years or so. It has been tiring and maddening and infuriating and … yeah.

But I’m done with that. I’ve been done with that for a few weeks now. I refuse to let the insanity drive me to drink. I refuse to allow it to change my outlook on life and my enjoyment of the few short years I have left. I am just gonna be the best damn me I can be and let the chips fall where they may. I refuse to lie down and let people walk all over me. But I will not let them get the best of me, either. They will not touch the real me – the emotional, intellectual me. They will not touch my relationships with others. They shall not.

I am surrounded by wonderful, loving, caring, needy people whom I enjoy genuinely. And I will enjoy them whilst I may.

The scars are still there. The wounds are still there. But I still have the ability to choose the life I wish to live. And I shall. I choose life and life abundantly.

Unfailing love and faithfulness make atonement for sin.

By fearing the Lord, people avoid evil. When people’s lives please the Lord,

even their enemies are at peace with them. http://bible.us/Prov16.6.NLT

No, I didn’t start running. The knees won’t allow that. But, I did start walking. And before I was done, I had walked over ten miles. Now, that’s a pretty long way for me these days. And it was just me, some waterfowl and an iPod.

Music has a special place in my life. There’s just nothing like music. I couldn’t imagine trying to live without music. Since that day, I’ve been spending more time listening to this iPod and I realized I should record what I have on here for posterity’s sake, so that I can refer back to it later and compare to what I’m listening to then. So, here’s a list of what I’ve been listening to a lot lately. This probably has no interest to anyone except my future self. (By the way, this would be a good time to say “Hi, Future Self! I hope you’re getting more sleep than I am!”)

I ask that when my spirit quits this shell of mortal clay
And o’er the trail across the range pursues its silent way,
That no imposing marble shaft may mark the spot where rest
The tailings of the bard who sang the praises of the West.
But, that above them may be placed a slab of white or gray,
And on it but the epitaph carved in the earlier day,
Upon the headboard of a man who did the best he could
To have the bad deeds of his life o’ershadowed by the good:
“He Done His Damndest.”

Engrave upon the polished face of that plain, simple stone,
No nicely worded sentiment intended to condone
The sins of an eventful life, nor say the virtues wiped
Away the stains of vice — in lines original or swiped;
That rough but honest sentiment that stood above the head
Of one who wore his boots into his final earthly bed
Is good enough for me to have above my mould’ring clay—
Just give the name and day I quit and underneath it say:
“He Done His Damndest.”

Some who are overstocked with phony piety may raise
Their hands in blank amazement at the sentiment and gaze
Upon the simple marble slab ‘neath which the sleeper lies,
With six or seven different kinds of horror in their eyes;
But hardy sons and daughters of this brave and rugged West
Will see a tribute in the line so pointedly expressed–
And what more earnest tribute could be paid to any man
Whose weary feet have hit the trail towards the Mystery, than:
“He Done His Damndest.”

Assuredly there is but one way in which to achieve what is not merely difficult but utterly against human nature: to love those who hate us, to repay their evil deeds with benefits, to return blessings for reproaches. It is that we remember not to consider men’s evil intention but to look upon the image of God in them, which cancels and effaces their transgressions, and with its beauty and dignity allures us to love and embrace them.  –  John Calvin

When it’s impossible to ignore the foolishness and selfishness put before me, I have to try and remember that there’s more than just those sort of qualities present. There is good within. Not all mistakes and misjudgments are malicious; some are simply… mistakes. Or, perhaps misfortune. Fools are not necessarily miscreants – even when they believe I fall into either category. Sometimes, they are simply fools. And sometimes, I need to give fools the benefit of the doubt because God would have me to do it. It would be so much easier to do so if the foolishness of fools didn’t affect the innocents. When do I live and let live in love and when do I stand up to protect the innocents?

</Pondering>

There really should be no question as to why I’m no longer there. And, it had nothing to do with anyone else…

OK, I feel better and I’m moving on…

Idiot.

When the time comes to enter the darkness in which we are naked and helpless and alone; in which we see the insufficiency of our greatest strength and the hollowness of our strongest virtues; in which we have nothing of our own to rely on, and nothing in our nature to support us, and nothing in the world to guide us or give us fight—then we find out whether or not we live by faith.

– Thomas Merton, Seeds of Contemplation

In a modern-day brand of Christianity devoted to good works, faith in the forgiveness of sin deteriorates, and the Golden Rule becomes a means of salvation rather than the fruit of salvation. An empty stomach is no way to a man’s heart, and racial justice is long overdue, but a cup of water can never replace the healing power of the Cross. In a country where famine and poverty have reduced the day’s ration to a bowl of rice and the domicile to one room, food and shelter are obviously important, but so is faith in God’s mercy. Faith is indispensable. Neither individual holiness nor social concern can be legislated… The fact is that the more seriously one takes the demands of God, the more conscious of his own need for mercy he becomes. But, fortunately, as Kierkegaard put it, “The opposite of sin is not ‘virtue’ but faith.”

– Paul G. Johnson , Buried Alive

The Bible will never be a living Book to us until we are convinced that God is articulate in His universe. To jump from a dead, impersonal world to a dogmatic Bible is too much for most people. They may admit that they should accept the Bible as the Word of God, and they may try to think of it as such, but they find it impossible to believe that the words there on the page are actually for them. A man may say, “These words are addressed to me,” and yet in his heart not feel and know that they are. He is the victim of a divided psychology. He tries to think of God as mute everywhere else and vocal only in a book.

I believe that much of our religious unbelief is due to a wrong conception of and a wrong feeling for the Scriptures of Truth. A silent God suddenly began to speak in a book and when the book was finished lapsed back in to silence again forever. Now we read the book as the record of what God said when He was for a brief time in a speaking mood. With notions like that in our heads how can we believe? The facts are that God is not silent, has never been silent. It is the nature of God to speak. The second Person of the Holy Trinity is called the Word. The Bible is the inevitable outcome of God’s continuous speech. It is the infallible declaration of His mind for us put into our familiar human words.

I think a new world will arise out of the religious mists when we approach our Bible with the idea that it is not only a book which was once spoken, but a book which is now speaking. The prophets habitually said, “Thus saith the Lord.” They meant their hearers to understand that God’s speaking is in the continuous present. We may use the past tense properly to indicate that at a certain time a certain word of God was spoken, but a word of God once spoken continues to be spoken, as a child once born continues to be alive, or a world once created continues to exist. And those are but imperfect illustrations, for children die and worlds burn out , but the Word of our God endureth forever.

If you would follow on to know the Lord, come at once to the open Bible expecting it to speak to you. Do not come with the notion that it is a thing which you may push around at your convenience. It is more than a thing, it is a voice, a word, the very Word of the living God.

- A. W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

O, majestic Lord, you care for me,
you have me in your mind and heart.
In that I rest.
Amen.

- Timothy Dudley Smith, Someone Who Beckons: Readings and Prayers for 60 Days

It does explain why this person was a complete ghost when I would search for information about him. He seemed totally off-the-grid and now I understand that I was looking for a person who didn’t exist. But, with the correct name, I was able to find out a lot about him very quickly – in about an hour’s time. For starters, I know that he’s still alive. I now know his birth date and therefore, his age. I know his parents’ names and that he’s a junior. I know where he currently lives and that he’s registered as a Democrat and that he almost always votes an absentee ballot. I know that he was divorced before I was even conceived and the name of his ex-wife and that they were married for five years and one month before separating. I even read their separation agreement so I know what he was driving back then and that they had no children together.

I know that his dad died while I was in middle school. I have the probable address of the house in which he grew up. And I know that he remarried while I was in high school and that they are still married. I know his wife’s name and that she currently works as a teacher in the Caldwell County Public Schools. And it appears that they have had no children together, either. So, as far as I know, I am apparently his only blood child.

I know all of this but I don’t know him. And he doesn’t know me. For me, he is still little more than a name.

A person’s life is a movement through chronological time that is encapsulated on a memorial stone as ‘year of birth’ – ‘year of death’. Our journey from cradle to grave becomes a dash! At times, life does seem to be as fleeting as a mere dash; and in the context of eternity that may be true. One’s physical “three score years and ten” might indeed have as much meaning as a dash – even a minus sign – unless we were simultaneously undertaking an additional journey; the journey through sacred time. This journey is walked on the “highway of holiness”, which is not a dash, a straight line from point A to point B, but a line that spirals ever upwards. It is cyclical in nature, and each cycle raises one higher and instills a deeper awareness and fosters a more intimate relationship with the Beloved of our souls, the One who is the Source of Life and the reason for it all.

Indeed! Thinking from a physics standpoint, the same movement can be perceived as occurring in both a straight line and a helix if the perceiver simply adds an additional dimension to their perception. And in this case, that dimension is most certainly named holiness!

I’ll admit; I’m having doubts about marriage. Not mine personally but about the institution in general. Maybe they’re not so much doubts but questions. I’ve heard it said that if you can get past the first five years, then there’s a much better chance that you’ll “make it” but I’m not so sure. It seems to me that it’s as you approach the 15-year mark that things get really dicey. Perhaps every other week I hear about another person or couple that I know that is having a really rough time in their marriage or have separated or have already divorced since the last time I talked with them.

Having gone through this myself a couple of years ago, I feel sad for them. There’s a ton of feelings that you deal with as you go through it. I think it’s even worse to deal with after that many years of marriage than if you had divorced only after a couple of years because of all the history involved. Personally, I was with someone for nearly half of my life. That’s a loooong time. When you’ve been married that long, there’s a lot of shit to deal with. You have to be careful to separate the emotions and not ascribe hurts and disappointments that you underwent while with that person to that person just because you were with them while it was happening. People seem to often lose all civility when going through a separation or divorce. I personally felt the full brunt of a massive amount of hostility and am still dealing with it today. Just recently I was told I was a monster and it was done in such a way that I felt instantly dehumanized in the person’s eyes, as if I was some being of demonic mien. Someone once said in my life that of all people, Christians should be able to divorce or separate amicably because of their call to forgiveness and love but I haven’t seen that play out. Divorce should not be a contest to see who can get the most or hurt the other one the most.

What is the point of marriage? Is it to undergird society and give it structure? Is it a place to channel passions? Is it merely procreation – to create and rear the next generation behind us? I personally think it’s a place for you to let down your guard and to be vulnerable. It’s a place to lower the shields and the façades and be you. Spouses are meant to provide support to one another and to help build one another up in love – to encourage, to strengthen, to assuage, to comfort, and to heal. We all have weaknesses and shortcomings and it’s painful to see someone’s spouse dig into those places and target them painfully rather than cover them, bind them and succor them.

However, I don’t think you should be solely reliant on your spouse for that. If you lean too much on a single support, it will eventually falter and fail – perhaps, even break. God is also here for us, as are our family and friends, hopefully. When two people completely rely on one another for support, it’s very painful when one eventually fails the other. Because, they will. That’s normal. And that, to me, is codependency and unhealthy.

So, what does one do when failure becomes a constant pattern in the marriage? Or when failures have destroyed trust in one another or in the relationship itself? I think the impact of failures is highly determined by how much friendship exists amongst the couple outside of the marital relationship. Do they have something else to lean on while they repair the marital trust?

To paraphrase, Thomas à Kempis, it is better to experience a healthy marriage than to be able to define it. It is better to experience love and forgiveness than to be able to define it.

I seem to just be rambling but each time I hear about another couple going through a bumpy time, I relive my own journey. And I think back to one of my prevailing thoughts during that time: Forgiving is difficult. And sometimes it seems to be impossible, even though called we are to forgive. And if forgiveness is not in view, what then? That’s an important question for us all. Because if a relationship does not have forgiveness, it will not only grow stagnant and fetid but it will be toxic and poisoning to those involved – the very anathema of the intended purpose of marriage.

Now on earth to stand suffices,–nay, if kneeling serves, to kneel:
Here you front me, here I find the all of heaven that earth can feel:
Sense looks straight,–not over,under,–perfect sees beyond appeal.

Good you are and wise, full circle: what to me were more outside?
Wiser wisdom, better goodness? Ah, such want the angel’s wide
Sense to take and hold and keep them! Mine at least has never tried.

Robert Browning

If I hear someone say, “Your dinosaur dick is in the trailer”, they probably really said, “You’re the one that said you only had three digits.”

Note to Self #2:

It’s probably time to schedule that hearing test.

Posted in Life ]]> http://onlyoneman.wordpress.com/2010/01/07/dinosaur-dick/feed/ 2 popester http://onlyoneman.wordpress.com/2009/11/14/thought-of-the-day/ http://onlyoneman.wordpress.com/2009/11/14/thought-of-the-day/#comments Sat, 14 Nov 2009 17:28:56 +0000 popester http://onlyoneman.wordpress.com/?p=232 ]]> “The fall was simply this, that some creature, that is, something which is not God, took His place with man; and man, trusting the creature more than God, walked in its light or darkness rather than in fellowship with God. Righteousness comes back when man by faith is brought to walk with God again, and to give Him His true place by acting or being acted upon in all things according to His will. Anything therefore not of faith is sin. And all such sin is bondage. Self-will is bondage, for … self-will or independence of God means dependence on a creature; and we cannot be dependent on a creature, be it what it may, without more or less becoming subject to it. What has not been given up for money, or for some creature’s love? But who has ever thus served the creature more than the Creator without awaking at last to feel he is a bondman? I say nothing of the worse bondage which comes from our self-will, in the indulgence of our own thoughts, or passions, or affections. Even the very energies of faith, while, as yet unchastened, it acts from self, … may only bring forth more bondage… Who but God can set men free? And He sets them free as they walk with Him. All independence of Him is only darkness.”

… Andrew Jukes (1815-1901), The New Man and the Eternal Life, London: Longmans, Green, 1881, p. 121

http://daddy-dialectic.blogspot.com/2009/10/in-company-of-moms-part-1-of-2.html

http://daddy-dialectic.blogspot.com/2009/10/in-company-of-moms-part-2-of-2.html

I have to say I totally relate to what he’s saying in these posts, especially the second one. I don’t mind explaining my “situation” to sooo many women who look at me askance and wonder. However, I absolutely abhor the treatment of those who just assume I am out to get either them or their children. With a troubled and nervous smile on their faces, they stand ready to intercept me if I suddenly decide to abandon my son and run off with theirs.

It feels good to know that I’m not alone in encountering this but I feel troubled knowing that it’s a prevalent prejudice.

Dads are parents too…