Getting in Touch with My Feminine Side

Posted on 2007-01-10. Filed under: Thoughts |

OK, I’m just trying to work out some thoughts here.

So, our relationship with God is as servant, child, friend and lover.

We, the church, are Christ’s bride. He is coming for us when we have been made ready. God is love.
He has a tremendous love for us – for each of us. His desire is for us. We are his bride.

The following is from the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

The unity of Christ and the Church, head and members of one Body, also implies the distinction of the two within a personal relationship. This aspect is often expressed by the image of bridegroom and bride. The theme of Christ as Bridegroom of the Church was prepared for by the prophets and announced by John the Baptist. The Lord referred to himself as the “bridegroom.” The Apostle speaks of the whole Church and of each of the faithful, members of his Body, as a bride “betrothed” to Christ the Lord so as to become but one spirit with him. The Church is the spotless bride of the spotless Lamb. “Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her.” He has joined her with himself in an everlasting covenant and never stops caring for her as for his own body.

It’s hard for a man to think of himself as someone’s bride – well, at least it is for this man. What does it mean to be a bride? You are desired, beautiful in the eyes of your groom. He has made a choice to love you, protect you and provide for you. He has made a choice to share only with you his physical intimacy – to be completely vulnerable to you, uninhibited and free. There is a sense of you being fruitful for him. He nourishes you and cherishes you (Eph 5:29).

So, I should know that God still desires me even as I have been like Hosea’s wife, Gomer – a harlot, then a wife and then an adulteress. I was a sinner, then I was of the redeemed and then I was a backslider. Yet, he still took me back. How do you take someone back after such a thing? It’s hard for me to imagine. I understand the temptation of adultery as a man because I’ve honestly had the temptation (being honest here). But, I don’t entirely understand the temptation of adultery as a woman – as a wife. I guess if your husband is not meeting some important need, you will look to have that need met elsewhere. It could be a feeling of being desired or a feeling that you are important. It could be a desire to be heard or listened to. It could be a desire to feel safe or secure. Or, it could be simple lust (like lust is simple!) – your husband is not meeting your physical needs.

I try to take that and apply it to myself as God’s bride and my relationship with him. I have a God who is able and desires to meet all of my needs. So, why do I turn from him? In Hosea 2:5, it seems to indicate that the adulteress pursued other lovers because they provided basic necessities for her. Did I think that God was not meeting my needs? I guess that’s one way of putting it.

I know this post is all a jumble. But, it’s because this thought process is all a jumble in my head. It’s like Mel Gibson in that movie What Women Want. But, instead of trying to understand what they want, I’m trying to understand how they are to get a sense of how I should be in my relationship to God. I am to abide in God and trust totally in him. That sounds almost like a task – “OK, I’ve trusted in God today; let me check that off.” But, it’s more like a state of being. It’s resting in him. Is this how women are to be with their husbands? Is it like one of those camp exercises where I close my eyes and fall backwards, expecting or at least hoping that he will catch me?

I guess we all probably need to get a better sense of how much God loves us. I look at marriages and one of the best ways to protect a marriage and keep it whole, intact and healthy is to ensure that each spouse knows that the other one loves them. This is not a head knowledge type of thing. But, it is a deep sense of comfort and ease, knowing that someone loves you for who you are. This love is communicated in many ways. There’s a book called The Five Love Languages. It discusses how each of us has a different way in which we receive and give love. There is:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Physical Touch
  3. Acts of Service
  4. Quality Time
  5. Receiving Gifts

If your marriage is not where it needs to be, I encourage you to read this book because there’s a lot of truth there. Then, employ the shotgun approach and use all of these avenues to show your spouse that you love them. There’s no rule that says you can’t try them all. You’ll learn which ones communicate to your spouse better than others. This is how you meet your spouses need to feel loved by you – that you treasure them, cherish them, think of them often, that they are important to you, that you respect them and their thoughts and feelings and desires, that you are available to them to spend time with or to rescue them or to provide for them or to serve them.

These are the thoughts we should be having about God. We need to experience love with God in this way. We need to understand that he is waiting for us to be ready to accept his love. I’m not saying that there is no room for justice, anger or even hatred in God. Remember that we are not just God’s lover but his servant, child and friend. But, I am saying that he loves us and wants us to know it. So, how do we come to know it? And I mean in a way that is more than, “Yeah, Jesus loves me. Yeah, Jesus loves me. Yeah, Jesus loves me. For the Bible tells me so.” We should know it in our being. We should experience his love in our emotions and in our thoughts. We should feel loved. Thoughts of him should release endorphins into our brain and our body. Our blood pressure and heart rate should change as we think of how God loves us. We should eagerly await our encounters with him. Our prayer times should be secret rendezvous’s with our beloved.

So, it’s not that way with you yet? Don’t worry – I’m still working on it myself. But, God is still alluring us, romancing us. Let yourself be romanced. Reflect on his love for you. And if you are able, share with me what’s it like to be romanced as a woman. I’m still trying to get in touch with my feminine side. 😉

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11 Responses to “Getting in Touch with My Feminine Side”

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Hello, I think you are going to make yourself crazy, turning a simple thing, into something far more complicated than it needs to be.

Please explain…I’m listening.

I believe if there is a creator it is infinite, unknowable, sexless, and beyond human comprehension. I believe that humans invented God and conveniently created him so that they would have ways of explaining what was unexplainable at the time, birth and death. As man evolved so did God.

In response to getting in touch with your feminine side, I would tell you to give those around you all of your compassion. Empathize with their pain, and give them your love. Do this in the best way that you are capable. When you do this you are expressing some of the highest ideals of humanity, and after all, isn’t that what God really wants?

I think Captivating will be a good read for you because woman are God’s feminine side, specifically His glory is what woman are to refelect.
Seeing yourself as the bride of Christ is really no diffrent than ne seeing myself as a son of God. BP had some interesting thoughts on Adam and Eve and how they were initially called. i think that is another good reflection of the both/and of God instead of the either/or, *though* God is very much Father (not mother though he can and does nurture us that way)and the Holy Spirit is also very much “He”.

So, are you saying that I am making things more complicated by inventing God? That’s an interesting response. It’s kind of like me going to someone and asking them what car they think I should buy. In response, they tell me to stay at home – I have no place to go and so I don’t need a car. While it’s a valid response, it doesn’t help me in selecting which car to buy. I believe that we were created to fellowship with God and I am in pursuit of that fellowship. That’s pretty much what this post is about. I do appreciate you taking the time to respond but telling me that you think God doesn’t exist just wasn’t very helpful in my pursuit of him.
One more thing, I don’t see compassion as exclusively a feminine trait. I see it as a human trait. Men and women do express compassion differently, but it is still compassion. What I meant by getting in touch with my feminine side was that I was seeking insight in the female experience within a man/woman relationship (marriage) and how that insight could help me frame my relationship with God as his bride.
I do believe that God wants us to have compassion for one another. Compassion means to bear together or to suffer together. Galatians 6:2 says “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.”
Again, thanks for your response.

I’m interested in reading Captivating – I do enjoy the author. I see much more difference between a bridge and a groom than I do between a son and a daughter. The relationship between a bridge and a groom is between one another and the relationship between sons/daughters is between them and their Father. That relationship between a son or a daughter and their father has a lot of similarities. However, whether I am someone’s bride or someone’s groom seems to be much more of a contrast. I don’t know – at least to me and at least right now. These thoughts are more focused on how we interact with God as lover than as child. Though they are interconnected, I’m separating them out right now just to deal with them a little easier. I’ll ask BP about her insights into Adam & Eve when she gets back home. Thanks!

For me (as a man), it’s a little easier to think of the church the body (think “Israel”) as the bride rather than to think of myself personally as the bride. Do you think I’m on the right track?

I know what you’re saying, y. And I agree that it’s the church that’s the bride of Christ. I’m just trying to see myself as a part of the church and yet having a personal relationship with God and what that means. Some times what I’m trying to say is lucid in my mind; it lights me up. Other times, the thoughts are half strangled and sinking in deep waters. So, I’m probably not expressing myself clearly.

I think I do see what you’re saying, and I guess my response doesn’t help you in “selecting a car” either, especially since you were soliciting feminine responses. When I asked if I was on the right track, I was wondering if maybe I’m missing out on a deeper relationship with God by stopping at “Oh, the bride just refers to the church.” And maybe that’s the same thing you’re expressing in this post. I don’t have an answer for you, but by wondering whether there’s more to this bride thing, I think that puts me in the same head-scratching camp as you. Or maybe we ARE in fact making it more complicated than it needs to be; or on the flip side, a car might not even get you where you need to go. 🙂

Ok, so I had a revelation while discussing this topic with my dear 2lplvr, and while the revelation feels profound to me right now, keep in mind it’s past my bedtime:

As complex as a relationship between a man an a woman can be, God is by no means just a man, and I’m under the impression that God speaks more than five love languages. Maybe He speaks seven, or maybe infinite — who knows… While God calls us His bride, and as significant as that is, that is only a metaphor. God does not want me to love Him the way that a woman loves a man, or in a way that a man loves a woman, or in any limited way that humans love one another. We as individuals are limited in the way we can relate to each other. We are even limited in the way we each can worship God. In fact all of us on Earth put together worshipping God at the same time, each in a different way would not exhaust His capacity to receive and reciprocate. While it is commendable to try and figure out all the ways we can love and relate to God, God is not that simple. I think that as we mature, our appreciation of God and our love for Him will also hopefully mature. But even if we were to understand all the different ways that humans are capable of loving God, that comprehensive list would only be a small subset of God’s capacity for love. Furthermore I believe that God doesn’t want us to try and love Him in a way that we weren’t made to. We mature in the way that we love Him as we continue to relate with and pursue Him.

I actually find this article on agape more relevant to this train of thought than the 5 love languages. In summary I’m not sure that we even need to reach and look for our feminine side in order for us to relate to God in an utmost way. I might even say He probably doesn’t want us to. So maybe it’s not a car you want after all?

Wow, y, I have never seen you write anything like that before. I should have had more coffee before trying to read it. 😆
There was some serious talking going on over there last night from discussing God’s love to finding one’s motivation. Kudos! 🙂
I’ll be thinking on this today. I’ve got the link up but haven’t read it yet – thanks for it!


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