Archive for March, 2007

Obi-Wan Cojones

Posted on 2007-03-30. Filed under: Mountains |

I saw this recently and thought it was funny. These are my people!

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

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It’s so hard to climb out of the abyss

Posted on 2007-03-26. Filed under: Thoughts |

~nothing to read here – move along – move along~

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Posted on 2007-03-21. Filed under: Thoughts |

That is an actual vanity plate I saw while walking around Lenoir this past weekend. And, that is exactly how we pronounce it! We are a special and peculiar people!

When I saw that, I realized that it reflected how I’m feeling right now. I have had a realization that God is not after my happiness; he is after my holiness. Therefore, I have decided not to pursue the happiness of others myself. I will not get in the way of their happiness; I will even try to encourage it. But, I won’t chase it. It is not my responsibility to make other people happy. So, Ion’t ker if they’re happy or not. That’s their choice.

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Forward Ho! – Redux: Continuing the Odyssey

Posted on 2007-03-16. Filed under: Thoughts |

I was about to name this post Forward Ho! but all of a sudden, I realized that I already had a post named that.

OK, I guess there was a reason to be scared yesterday. 😕

I am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of his wrath. He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light; indeed, he has turned his hand against me again and again, all day long. He has made my skin and my flesh grow old and has broken my bones. He has besieged me and surrounded me with bitterness and hardship. He has made me dwell in darkness like those long dead. He has walled me in so I cannot escape; he has weighed me down with chains. Even when I call out or cry for help, he shuts out my prayer. He has barred my way with blocks of stone; he has made my paths crooked. Like a bear lying in wait, like a lion in hiding, he dragged me from the path and mangled me and left me without help. He drew his bow and made me the target for his arrows. He pierced my heart with arrows from his quiver. I became the laughingstock of all my people; they mock me in song all day long. He has filled me with bitter herbs and sated me with gall. He has broken my teeth with gravel; he has trampled me in the dust. I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. So I say, “My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the LORD.” I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust— there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace. For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men. To crush underfoot all prisoners in the land, to deny a man his rights before the Most High, to deprive a man of justice— would not the Lord see such things? Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come? Why should any living man complain when punished for his sins? Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD. Let us lift up our hearts and our hands to God in heaven, and say: “We have sinned and rebelled and you have not forgiven. “You have covered yourself with anger and pursued us; you have slain without pity. You have covered yourself with a cloud so that no prayer can get through. You have made us scum and refuse among the nations. “All our enemies have opened their mouths wide against us. We have suffered terror and pitfalls, ruin and destruction.” Streams of tears flow from my eyes because my people are destroyed. My eyes will flow unceasingly, without relief, until the LORD looks down from heaven and sees.

Life is like a Honday Odyssey; you never know where the hell you’re going to end up. 🙂 Actually, it is a trip – an odyssey, if you will.

I’m realizing some things about myself. I don’t really like them, but hey, that’s life. One: there’s something about me that keeps me from having close friends for any length of time. I used to think it was because I didn’t trust people. Since high school, I just haven’t really trusted people. Very, very few people have been trustworthy, anyway. I mean, what was the point? They would just end up hurting me, anyway. But, God has been changing me over the last two or three years. And, I’ve really begun to trust people again. So then, what’s my excuse now? I don’t really have one. And that’s sad. I think I have a flaw – a defect. It’s not life-threatening but it’s something I’ll just have to accept.

<aside> As I write this, Chris Isaak’s melancholy tune Wicked Game just came on the radio. Lyrics are here and the video is here. How fitting!</aside>

You know, Jesus said that we have to lay down our family for him. And, if our family, then what’s to stop him from asking for our friends too? I guess that’s my cross to bear. But it’s so fucking heavy. I wonder how I may bear it. Which brings me to the second thing I’m realizing about myself – my second fault. I don’t know if I can live a holy life. I seem to have been given a spirit of Jacob. Yes, I have the righteousness of Christ. It just seems that that I’ve also been given the spirit of Jacob. My only hope is in the mercy and grace of God. He showed favor to Jacob. He can show favor to me too, right? I rest my hope on that favor. It is all I have.

Life is pain, Highness” And so it is. Can I bear it? Wel, sure, I always have and I will continue to do so. However, I honestly don’t believe that I can bear it without it changing me. And the only response I have to pain is to harden. I know nothing else. I remember when I used to fight and train. I endured a lot of pain. But it toughened me. It hardened me. It conditioned me.

So, where do I go from here? I continue. I move forward. I will be fine – I always am. Isn’t that the right attitude? I’ll smile back when others smile at me. I’ll greet them and say “Hello” when they do the same. I’ll continue to push against life and fight my way forward. But, I’ll also reduce my expectations of life.

When people traveled West in their covered wagons, many started the trip with everything they could carry. As time went on and the journey got longer and wearier, they would cast off things to lighten their load so they could continue forward. Not all of the niceties of East Coast living made it out to the West in those days. Life was simpler and harder – and nothing like the dream they carried with them when they began the journey.

In the same vein, there are some things I need to cast off and some things I need to turn off in order to continue on my journey. It won’t be the life I hoped for or expected but I’ll be able to survive. I guess this is how most people live their lives anyway – most adults do, at least. Perhaps this is part of growing up. And now it’s time for me to do so. Like I said, I am waht I am. Life is what it is. Dreams are but a vapor, a mist, a filament easily broken.

Walking through the field
on a misty, dewy morning

A child in the wonder of life

Stepping through the flowers,


He breaks a web with his heel.

Severing the connected strands

With his toes.

And continues on –

Chasing a butterfly

He will never catch.

The spider – fully grown

Begins to rebuild the web.

Not needing to know or be known.

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Posted on 2007-03-15. Filed under: Life |

I can’t believe it’s been almost a month since I last posted. Time has just been flying with the planning of our nationwide rollout service, finishing up the last semester of ENLI, hanging out with friends and just living life. Right now, I am so happy, it’s scary. Everyone is waiting for me to “crash”. 🙂

We’ll see…

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