There’s something about me…

Posted on 2007-04-13. Filed under: Thoughts |

There’s something about me…

I have an ability to will things into existence. It’s a combination of tenacity, focus and sheer willpower. But, I have always had this knack of making things happen. To some people, it may appear as manipulation, stubbornness, or stupidity but it’s just will.

When I was a little boy, I used to beat my head *hard* against the wall of my bedroom until my parents would acquiesce to my will and I would get my way. It didn’t always work but it worked enough. I did it so much they had to put paneling up in my bedroom to cover the holes I had put in my walls.

However, now I’ve come to a place in my life where my will is useless. It’s not going to get me what I want. The surrounding situation is just so overpowering and so big that my will is just no match.

That leaves me in a place I’m not used to being. I feel powerless, undecided and unsure. I just don’t know what to do. It makes me want to retreat inward and just be still. I guess the only thing I can do is to just sit and hopefully the situation will change enough so that I can then attack it with my will.

But for now…


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