Archive for September 9th, 2007

One more moment

Posted on 2007-09-09. Filed under: Life |

from just now was sharing a double homemade strawberry icee with my boy.

(Have I mentioned my sweet tooth has been totally out of control while I’ve been here?) :mrgreen:

Yes, it’s the moments that actually make life. And I have to remember the fond ones as I deal with the bad ones because hopefully the fond ones will come around again…

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The Little Things

Posted on 2007-09-09. Filed under: Life, Prayers |

Sometimes, it’s the little things that make life bearable. It doesn’t mean that you forget what you’re going through; you’re just better able to hang on – better able to persevere. It’s things like enjoying some Peanut Butter Delight with my son that my mom made. I so so so love PBD – it reminds me of my childhood. Back in the day when it was prolly considered a vegetable b/c it’s two main ingredients came from the peanut tree and the cocoa plant. 😆

We had it all the time at school. And it was present at every family get-together – as ever-present as sausage balls! I’ve missed it and didn’t even know it. I’m so glad I was reminded of it recently.

Another “little” thing was playing Keep Away today with my boy and my dad. It was really fun hanging out with them doing something with no real purpose except being together and enjoying one another. It was another memory to hold on to.

I just have this cloud hanging over me. I don’t know if it’s going to produce awful, dangerous, scary thunderstorms or calm, cool, life-giving rainfall. I want life. I need more life in my life – to have a full life, an overflowing abundant life. Some might think that’s like saying I need more sugar on my Frosted Flakes but it just seems like my flakes have gotten soggy.

So I enjoy the little things. As a friend says on her blog, “I strive to treasure moments”. (Hope I got that right! – it’s from memory.)

Today those two moments were worth striving to treasure. May we all have more moments like those! I just need to remember to capture these things in photo. I have the camera; why don’t I use it? 🙄

I also needed the moment of watching the video I posted earlier. I guess I was primed for it because I was broken down for over half an hour after seeing that. I’m glad I was here alone because I wasn’t pretty. The dogs didn’t know what was going on and started howling at me! 😳

Thank you God for life. It’s only through life that I can experience these different things. May they all end up being for your glory! Amen.

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Headed back

Posted on 2007-09-09. Filed under: Life, Thoughts |

I was going to stay here until tomorrow but there’s so much work to do that I’m going to go back today. I’ll have a break from my life another time. It’s just not the right time right now. I don’t know – maybe it’ll never be the right time. Maybe I’ll just have to stick a pin in it and call it the right time at some point.

I’m still feeling very very sad about what I’ve done and realize that I’ve hurt so many people and myself by my thoughts, choices and actions. I also realize that I can only be apologetic for these things; I can’t be responsible for others’ responses.

I also know having regret and being apologetic are no excuses for what I’ve done. I’ve hurt others and I’ve helped others hurt even others. But I can only do what I can do. And as the Bible says, “Against you [God], you only, have I sinned”.

I have no idea what to expect this coming week. There’s so much to do that will probably keep me busy. I know that it’s going to be very hard emotionally. I am going to desperately need to reach out to those with whom I can talk openly and receive support. I will be wrapping up two of the last projects we’re working on this year in order to focus on the nationwide rollout. And we’ve got a couple of meetings scheduled to move the rollout along. It’s gaining momentum which is great. The focus now is on keeping the momentum.

G also starts soccer this week. And his first “official” year of homeschooling will start. So, he’ll have school, karate and soccer. And B starts her job this week and her car search in earnest. So, lots and lots of changes on the agenda. Lots of things to do. Hopefully, it will leave me just tired enough to have just enough time with God and not any idle time in which to grow weary or depressed… 😦

So, I will persevere because “we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us…”


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My Only Hope is in God’s Love

Posted on 2007-09-09. Filed under: Prayers, Quotes, Thoughts |

Oh God, I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry. I plead for Your forgiveness. I plead for Your mercy. Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight. My spirit is broken. My heart is broken. I offer them as sacrifices to You.

1 Cor 13:13
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Love is greater than faith. Love is greater than hope. God wants me to exhibit more love in my life.

The wonderful thing is that I don’t have to “find” love for other people. God has poured his love into my heart.

Romans 5:5
And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

I just need to display it – to exhibit it. One of the ways I can do that is by being more gentle with people.

Philippians 4:5
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

That doesn’t mean that I won’t let them know how I feel or what I think but I can try to let them know that in as gentle a way as I can. It may not be the gentlest way possible but it could be the gentlest way *I* could do it. I can try harder to be honest and gentle at the same time.

It’s so wonderful that He not only gives us the love that we need. He also gives us the hope that we need.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

And then He tells us to place that hope in Him.

Psalm 42:11
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Such simple concepts with such amazing implications!


Oh God! Please show me the hope that you have given me. Please show me the love that Your Holy Spirit has poured into my heart. Help me to live by hope, faith and love. Show me how to treat others in love. Cast out the fear in my heart with Your love – Your perfect love. Grant me Your peace to guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Direct my soul to find rest in You alone for my salvation comes from You. You alone are my rock and my salvation; You are my fortress. My salvation and honor depend on You; you are my mighty rock, my refuge. I will trust You at all times. I will pour out my heart to You for You are my refuge.

Father, have mercy on me according to Your unfailing love and Your great compassion. Blot out my transgressions and wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones You have crushed rejoice. Hide Your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. Save me from bloodguilt, O God, and my tongue will sing of Your righteousness. Open my lips and my mouth will declare Your praise.


I read the following passage this morning in Hiding from Love.

We need to help ourselves and others learn vulnerability about our defects, with an eye toward taking responsibility for our healing…. God’s heart is fixed on repairing the hidden, broken parts of our souls. The redemption of Christ’s death for us is not just a philosophical treatise on our attachment to God. It is also a process, continuing daily in us. God wants to “make up to you the years that the swarming locus has eaten” (Joel 2:25). In other words, His plan of redemption for us is to finish our process of growing up, especially in those areas for which there has been little opportunity for growth.

What this means for us as Christians is that God is a God of replacement. He wants us to have a life of more than “coping” or “surviving.” He actually intends for us to regain what has been lost.

For those who have been hurt in the area of attachments, He wants to provide safe, loving relationships in which we can learn how to trust. For those with deficiencies in separateness, He want to help us learn how to repair our injured “no muscle.” For those who keep goodness and badness split apart, He wants to help us find places of forgiveness for ourselves and others and a realistic understanding of a fallen world. For those who struggle with “one-down” positions, God wants to expose us to opportunities to become adults.

We are not able to change the past in which we were injured, but we can reach into the past to find and repair those frozen parts of our character.

Praise God!! He is not the God of a Second Chance. He is the God of Another Chance!

Thank you Father! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Watch this:

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