Headed back

Posted on 2007-09-09. Filed under: Life, Thoughts |

I was going to stay here until tomorrow but there’s so much work to do that I’m going to go back today. I’ll have a break from my life another time. It’s just not the right time right now. I don’t know – maybe it’ll never be the right time. Maybe I’ll just have to stick a pin in it and call it the right time at some point.

I’m still feeling very very sad about what I’ve done and realize that I’ve hurt so many people and myself by my thoughts, choices and actions. I also realize that I can only be apologetic for these things; I can’t be responsible for others’ responses.

I also know having regret and being apologetic are no excuses for what I’ve done. I’ve hurt others and I’ve helped others hurt even others. But I can only do what I can do. And as the Bible says, “Against you [God], you only, have I sinned”.

I have no idea what to expect this coming week. There’s so much to do that will probably keep me busy. I know that it’s going to be very hard emotionally. I am going to desperately need to reach out to those with whom I can talk openly and receive support. I will be wrapping up two of the last projects we’re working on this year in order to focus on the nationwide rollout. And we’ve got a couple of meetings scheduled to move the rollout along. It’s gaining momentum which is great. The focus now is on keeping the momentum.

G also starts soccer this week. And his first “official” year of homeschooling will start. So, he’ll have school, karate and soccer. And B starts her job this week and her car search in earnest. So, lots and lots of changes on the agenda. Lots of things to do. Hopefully, it will leave me just tired enough to have just enough time with God and not any idle time in which to grow weary or depressed… 😦

So, I will persevere because “we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us…”

~M

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