Archive for September 10th, 2007

The day

Posted on 2007-09-10. Filed under: Life |

has been soooo long. I never got any sleep this morning so that wasn’t a great way to start. I got a fair amount done today – only 43 things left from 102 (yep – the frog was defenestrated!).

I made some progress on a project that keeps getting stalled by the customer. They want us to do the work but to do the work means they’ll be out of operation for an hour or so and they don’t want to commit to that.

My business partner and I had a good conference call this afternoon with our web guy and our marketing woman regarding the nationwide rollout. No real clear answer to what we discussed but at least I now feel that they understand the questions I have and realize they’re valid questions. We have another conference call tomorrow afternoon with one of our vendors and we’re gonna have our web guy sit in to get his input. Just have a few medium wrinkles to iron out in order to move this to BETA testing!!! I love it when a plan comes together.

I got to spend an hour this afternoon at a beautiful brand new baseball complex in Cary right of Hwy 55 (Green Hope School Rd?). We’ll be taking care of the facility’s technology needs.

Afterwards, I felt so rushed – just not enough time. It didn’t help that the late afternoon is when I catch up on sleep when I don’t get any the night before. I had to come home, change clothes, run B to her job, take G to soccer practice and have no idea which of the 15 million teams on the field were his (this was a time when my gift of discernment came in handy – I got them on the third try and they were as far aways from where I entered the field as you could get – I just had a feeling!), ran him & I back home and ordered pizzas, took some pain medicine for my right knee and my shoulder/neck, tried to figure out why the TV/satellite wasn’t working, ate, and ran back to pick up B from work. And it’s now 10:10 PM.

I’m gonna watch an hour of TV and have some Peanut Butter Delight. I wish I had had more time to spend with G today (and that the time I had with him wasn’t so full of pain for myself – could barely move with my neck/shoulder like this and therefore couldn’t play with him like he wanted me to do).

I got to speak with my sister this afternoon. I had some meaningful conversations with my son in the truck today. And this evening I had a heart-to-heart talk with my father-in-law. I’m just trying to be me as honestly as I can be me so that they know what’s going on in my life.

I thought some deep thoughts today – scary when I’ve had so little rest. Tomorrow’s another busy day but hopefully I can get some sleep tonight.

OK – enough whining/venting/whatever…

Here’s to another mark on the wall…

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Safe Relationships

Posted on 2007-09-10. Filed under: Quotes, Thoughts |

This is from the last chapter of Hiding from Love. The chapter goes through some things that can help you come out of a life in hiding. This is from the second step: Actively Seek Confessional Relationships. It’s basically telling you how to determine if the relationship you have with someone else is a safe one – one in which you can be yourself and not fear a negative backlash.

As we begin the process of investigating our relational hiding patterns, we need to find safe relationships in which the immature parts of our soul can begin to emerge. Relationship is the soil from which grace can enter the injured self. Even so, it’s not enough to simply be connected to others. We also need to bring out our hurt parts to those people, releasing them out of darkness and paralysis in the limbo of the isolation of the past. This is called confession, or agreeing with the truth. The Bible says we are to confess our faults to one another to be healed.

The confession may be of our own sins, or of the sins of others against us. To confess is to allow others to see the part of us that we fear, hate, or are ashamed of. This is exposing those thoughts, feelings, or behaviors that we fear are actually beyond being loved. Developing caring attachments to God and others provides the balm for repairing injured parts. (emphasis mine) [To me, this is true intimacy – the state of being intimate or familiar, as in a mystic familiarity.]

It’s important here to discern safe from unsafe relationships. If we confess our injuries to a critical person, we run the risk of further injury and deeper hiding patterns. …

The following list of character traits… provides helpful criteria in determining who is safe and who isn’t. Look for:

  • People who react to you in a different way than those who injured you. Use your memory to tell the difference.
  • People who, over time, have a loving track record. See if their walk matches their talk.
  • People who can be observed from some emotional distance. Take small risks in vulnerability before taking bigger risks. …Many individuals are badly hurt by committing themselves to openness in relationships in which others can’t handle that level of honesty — and thus become critical, defensive, or parental.
  • People with the ability to accept imperfections in others. This refers to the difference between those who love the outside and those who love the inner self.
  • People who are no stranger to pain, yet are recovering. Those who have suffered spiritually and emotionally can identify with developmental injuries.
  • People who are aware of their own deficits. Those who know their unfinished parts are more likely to be safe with the unfinished parts of others.
  • People who have truth without condemnation. It’s easier to entrust our weaknesses to those who love us, and who will speak the truth in love.
  • People who have grace without license. Attaching to others who see God’s grace as leading to greater responsibility helps us to experience grace appropriately.
  • People who bear good fruit in your life. Ask yourself if your relationship with this person has made you more or less loving and responsible.

Overall, when you use this guide to identifying safe relationships, look for “good enough,” not “perfect.” Be willing to grow in these nine areas yourself as you look for them in others. I just can’t overstate it that whatever is unconfessed is beyond the reach of healing. The isolated injury that stays hidden feels “bad.” The injury that is connected feels loved.

WOW – that’s intimacy – the ability to be genuine and authentic with someone. It’s a protected vulnerability that can bring out your best. That’s some potent stuff there!

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Posted on 2007-09-10. Filed under: Life |

At the beginning of last week, I weighed 170.2 lbs. Since G was going to be spending all week at his grandparent’s, I thought this would be a great opportunity to break through the 170 barrier with concentrated, focused effort. So, in addition to my regular workouts, I added a two-hour walk EVERY day!!!

Guess how much I weighed at the end of the week?


173.8 lbs! What?!?!?

So, when I went to pick up G, I let my sweet tooth have at it and enjoy anything it wanted. (Notice how I’ve disassociated from the cravings so I have no responsibility!) 😛

And I’m back from there now and guess how much I weigh after eating everything I could see all weekend?


169.2 lbs !! 😆

I should write a book. How to Lose Weight by Not Exercising and Eating Anything You Want!!!

Sadly, the sequel would be How to Gain Weight by Over-Exercising Regularly and Eating Small Portions of Boring Food 😛

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We’re back

Posted on 2007-09-10. Filed under: Life |

G & I fell asleep around 10 at Mom and Dad’s and I woke up at 11:45 PM. Most of the truck was already packed so I just threw the final things in. We said goodbye to Mom & Dad and hit the road. G hates things to change. He’s been sad this past week because he wasn’t home and now that we’re leaving Lenoir, he starts crying and saying how he misses Nonno e Nonna. It’s such a temporary sadness. Not that he truly doesn’t miss them (did I get my negatives right there?); it’s just that he’ll quickly overcome the sadness and enjoy being back in Durham.

We got here about 3:45 and it’s now 5:30 AM. I put G in bed with B when I got here and unpacked the truck. I’ve even got his new bed in his room but it’s still unassembled. I took some recycling out to the curb, unpacked most of the clothes and I have a load in the washer right now. I’ve got G’s toys at his area in the living room for him to put away in their proper place when he wakes up. I’ve unpacked my toiletries and some of G’s. The leftovers from lunch yesterday for G & I at Ruby Tuesday’s are in the fridge along with a stash of Peanut Butter Delight! And I’ve obviously got my laptop unpacked and running. The bills and receipts are arranged here, waiting and ready for me to go through them later today. I’ve left the truck’s back seats down so that I can vacuum the truck today and get the spots I don’t usually clean. I’ll put the seats back up then and return G’s booster seat to the back seat then. And I’ve got 30 minutes to shower and make coffee before my server reports start coming in for the morning. I’m so sticky and sweaty; I really need a shower.

The ride here was pleasant. Mom & Dad gave me a variable speed massage/heating pad (full-body) that helped me sleep well Saturday night. I slept in a recliner chair with the pad massaging my neck and shoulders and was able to get fairly deep sleep. I awoke with my neck feeling pretty good – the best it’s felt in a long time. The pad also has a car adapter so I ran it the whole way here and it felt great! It helped keep me awake and my neck relaxed. And when I got here, my back didn’t feel stiff at all. We only made one stop – at the McD’s in Statesville to get coffee for me and fries for the boy. He rode in the front since the bed took the whole truck. We had to move the front seats almost all the way up in order to get it to fit. Since he was in the front, we talked during the moments he was awake and when he fell asleep, I put my arm across the center console and let him lean against it. There was very little traffic and I listened to music almost the whole way. I had a great sense of God’s peace the whole trip with occasional periods of deep sorrowful conviction. I really felt God’s presence with us and I’m very thankful to you God for giving me that awareness. ❗

Today’s going to be a long day. I’m looking longingly at my bed right now. I guess that hour and 45 minutes I got at Mom and Dad’s is all I’m going to have today. I’ve got so much to do that I’m gonna have to slow my pace down a little or I’ll burn out. Kinda counter-intuitive but it can actually make me more productive when I’m feeling overwhelmed. It’s easier to take one thing at a time when I slow down a little bit. That way, I don’t get overwhelmed by the (literally – I just counted) 101 things on my to-do list for today. 😯

Oops, now I only have 15 minutes to shower and make coffee before the server reports pour in. 😳

Time to make the doughnuts…


UPDATED: To add that I just went into the bathroom to shower and there’s this silvery colored frog sitting on the toilet seat! 😯

What the hell do I do? Do I just flush it? 😆 Guess I need to add task number 102 to the list for today: Defenestrate frog!

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