Early morning

Posted on 2007-09-11. Filed under: Prayers, Thoughts |

Ahhh – it feels good!

I got some sleep last night and feel better. I don’t even remember falling asleep or honestly how I got into the chair in the first place.

This morning, I’m reminded of so many other mornings in my past that were filled with hope and expectation. The morning is a time to greet the day and the possibilities that exist for THAT day. It is a time to greet God and continue in relationship with Him. It’s a time to greet others and check on them to see how they are and to continue connections with them.

I start work early so I’m used to being the first person up, regardless of who else is in the house I’m in. So, I’m used to being the one making the coffee, turning on any lights, whatever. And I’m used to seeing other people get up after me to start their day – to receive them in fellowship and subdued, calm excitement and expectation.

I miss being able to look forward to starting the day together with someone. There’s a sense that you share the day – that the events of the day are communal and something shared together and will become a memory to look back upon later together (“Do you remember when…?”) These days, I have my day and other people have their day and there may be interactions but each person’s day is a separate day. That truly shows me how different things are now.

There’s just so much space in my life right now. I give space and I need space. I’m adjusting to that. I see God sometimes fills in those spaces with Himself. And for that I am thankful.

And even though there is space, there is still connection. But sometimes the connection is different – perhaps it is stretched or perhaps it is slack with disuse. And these differences can be temporary or permanent, depending on the connection.

I look forward to having a life with connections that are “just right” again – not slack and not overly taut and stretched. I look forward to being able to greet each day with hope and expectation – whether I share that experience with someone else or I am communing alone with God.

Today, I have peace. And it can only come from God. Right now, it’s a thin peace (like a thin sheet of ice on a pond’s surface) with sorrow being still underneath it but not gone at all. Whatever will be, will be. I trust God and know that He wants the best for all people and that includes me.

I cling to Him in the storm. Does clinging to Him show fear or faith? As with most things, that’s not an easy answer. It’s a question of the heart and the answer is dependent on intent. Why do I cling? Is it because of faith in Him or because there’s nothing else to cling to so I just reach out in a blind panic for the first thing I can find to hold onto? That’s a question every person has to answer on their own.

Now, on to start my day.

Father, I need your presence with me today. Allow me to feel your presence with me to remind me that I am not alone and to stave any feelings of despair, desperation or despondency. Please assist me in showing love to others today. Help me live the day so it ends with me having a clear conscience at the end. Thank you – thank you. Amen.

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