Only A Name

Posted on 2010-03-23. Filed under: Life, Thoughts |

So, this past weekend I realized that I had mis-remembered my blood father’s name. For whatever reason, I had remembered it as Danny and well… it’s not. It’s surreal that I’m so disassociated from this person that I didn’t even know his name. Well, now I do but I lived for 18 years not even knowing of his existence and then another 17 years thinking of him with the wrong name.

It does explain why this person was a complete ghost when I would search for information about him. He seemed totally off-the-grid and now I understand that I was looking for a person who didn’t exist. But, with the correct name, I was able to find out a lot about him very quickly – in about an hour’s time. For starters, I know that he’s still alive. I now know his birth date and therefore, his age. I know his parents’ names and that he’s a junior. I know where he currently lives and that he’s registered as a Democrat and that he almost always votes an absentee ballot. I know that he was divorced before I was even conceived and the name of his ex-wife and that they were married for five years and one month before separating. I even read their separation agreement so I know what he was driving back then and that they had no children together.

I know that his dad died while I was in middle school. I have the probable address of the house in which he grew up. And I know that he remarried while I was in high school and that they are still married. I know his wife’s name and that she currently works as a teacher in the Caldwell County Public Schools. And it appears that they have had no children together, either. So, as far as I know, I am apparently his only blood child.

I know all of this but I don’t know him. And he doesn’t know me. For me, he is still little more than a name.

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